What about all these floods we've been having, eh? What's going on at all?
There seems to be two theories about what's causing it:
A. We are buggering up the environment by flying to Malaga for our holidays and driving the kiddies to school. (source: various boffins)
B. That's a load of balls - global warming is not our fault, its just nature, like. (source: other boffins)
Now to be frank, theories A and B leave me cold. Because we all know that science is boring and confusing.
However, this week, I read another theory which was very interesting. Graham Dowe, the Bishop of Carlisle, has explained that the floods were sent by God as a punishment. (source: the old testament)
Amongst other things, our Graham said, "The sexual orientation regulations are part of a general scene of permissiveness. We are in a situation where we are liable for God's judgment, which is intended to call us to repentance."
I'm not sure, but I think that means that gays have caused the floods! Well spotted, Graham, lad. Now that you point it out it seems so obvious. Someone tell the Environment Agency!
Now, in the past, I have been very much live-and-let live where gay people are concerned. After all, my first wife, Valerie, was nine parts lesbian. But this new information is making me reconsider. I mean, if Graham is right, who knows what other scourges they are bringing down on us? Cancer? Our disappointing record in the World Cup? Britains Got Talent?
Maybe the best way is to cover all the options. So here is my 4-point plan to save the planet.
1. Make the kids walk to school or, if you live on a flood plain, buy them a dinghy.
2. Go to Blackpool for your holidays.
3. If you are gay, or lesbian (or anyone else the bishop doesn't care for) apologise to God, just to be on the safe side.
4. Call yourself Noah and build an ark.
For more of the Bishop's crazy wisdom, see this article.
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2 comments:
I think that some gay people may have been partly responsible for the production of Britain's Got Talent.
But, other than that, I suspect they are largely blameless.
Dear Tony
As someone who has long puzzled on the reason we suffer I found the bishops views very enlightening. I think we need more views from great thinkers like the bishop and other experts in this area like Glen Hoddle and Tom Cruise who are able to think outside the box. Not forgetting Robert Mugabi who is also aware of the great danger that homosexuality poses to our world and recently also proposed that the suffering of hyper-inflation could be solved by getting shops to cut their prices by half. Keep them coming.
DrZ
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