Britain Is An Assylum

I went to t'pictures t'other night. I saw this film called Homegrown. Very good, it was too.

It covered two of my favourite subjects - allotments and assylum seekers.

Assylum seekers are foreigners who come over here because they are having a rough old time of it at home. In the film, the council try and get em int swing o things by giving em an allotment to look after.

Champion idea! Personally, I know of no better place to flee an oppressive regime (e.g. our Muriel).

Some people are very unfriendly towards assylum seekers as if they are some kind of nuisance. But these people who complain would feel different if shoe was on t'other foot - when we are all under 100 feet of water, they will be the first people buying ferry tickets to th'Isle o Man.

My next door neighbour, Vlad, is an assylum seeker. He was driven from his home in Eastern Europe by religious zealots who wanted fot kill him. Christians broke into his house in broad daylight and tried to drive a stake through his heart. So he fled his family home in the mountains of Transylvania and moved to Wigan. Now he's got a nice factory job at the Heinz plant in Kitt Green.

I think he is doing ok now but he still looks very pale. I asked him if he wanted to come and help me with my allotment some time. But he said it wasn't convenient cos he works nights and tends fot sleep int daytime.

Anyway I am growing him summat on me allotment by way of a welcome gift. These Europeans like garlic, don't they?